Dalloway

from Wrong Rewards and Arrogant Eternity by Gwildungsroman

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lyrics

I don’t need a saviour, it’s easier to cope with little revelations on backs of envelopes. If god decides the gallows and calls me to the rope then I pity the hangman, holding out for hope. Crosses are constructions, a gilded place to hide with chapter and instruction to kill the doubt inside. Souls are up for auction, we are terrified, and I don’t have direction, I’m not sure I tried.

I’m not sure I tried.

I could buy repentance if guilt were copper coins, fraying at the edges, rusting at the joins. I lost friends and family like forgotten toys, burning bright and burnt out, lost in all the noise. Staring at the ceiling, searching for the sky, I’m not really dealing with the wolves at night. I just want perfection, even though I lied and I don’t have direction, I’m not sure I tried.

I’m not sure I tried.

We’ll both come to harm in the webs we weave, lying hand on heart, lying heart on sleeve. It’ll always hurt me, the man I couldn’t be, but I guess that worse things happen out at sea. Sorrow found me hopeless, fighting off the tide. Hollow found me homeless, and I can’t decide if I need correction or just need some time, ‘cos I don’t have direction, I’m not sure I tried.

I’m not sure I tried.

Simplicity in sadness written on her arms, complicity in madness sounding false alarms. We’re all turning circles on this map of ours, looking for the exit like butterflies in jars. I will take my bad parts, I will bury them. I will make a new start, I’ll be a better man. Be my resurrection, be my suicide ‘cos I don’t have direction, I’m not sure I tried.

I’m not sure I tried.

credits

from Wrong Rewards and Arrogant Eternity, released March 5, 2013

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